Just as a marriage is the union of two people, the wedding day going smoothly is often a collaboration of lots of people all working to create a once in a lifetime unique occasion. Whilst the choice of wedding suppliers is key (I’ll be writing on that topic in future posts) so the choice of your bridal party is vital. Here are my top tips on choosing the right bridesmaids, best man and ushers for the job in hand!
Choose those who are closest to you at present. Don’t feel obliged to ask your friends and family to do the job just because you were a bridesmaid at their wedding for example. It’s your wedding and you shouldn’t have any regrets about your choices.
Photograph by Filmatography
Think practically about the job in hand. You need a team who you can really depend on and who can logistically help out. Whilst your friend in New Zealand might be your preferred option for your Maid of Honour, it would probably make sense to pick one of your friends closer geographically. You will need support, time and face to face help with dress fittings, seating plan conundrums, DIY favour making and more. It doesn’t mean that your friend in New Zealand can’t be involved but perhaps as one of a team of bridesmaids where she has duties on the day rather than in advance?
This can be harder for men as the tradition is to pick one best man. Invariably this can be difficult as the role of best man is varied and sometimes the preferred choice isn’t the best option. It can be hard to get an organiser extraordinare for suits, wedding rings, stag dos and ushering duties and a speech writing and performing dynamo all rolled into one. It can sometimes make sense to have 2 or 3 best men and break down the duties to the most appropriate man for the job!
Don’t rush into asking friends to be your bridesmaids and ushers straight away – once you’ve asked someone to be involved you can’t then change your mind so it’s important to be sure. As soon as you announce your engagement some friends may start asking, so be strong and sure and have your answer ready if you’re not ready to divulge!
Photograph by Lloyd Dobbie Photography
You will need help – I’ve had some clients who feel that they are too old for bridesmaids or don’t want to insist their bridal party dress in matching outfits. It’s certainly not essential to have bridesmaids but it is very important to have at least one close friend help you get ready on the morning of the wedding, Getting into a wedding dress and the emotions on the wedding morning, require assistance, not to mention it’s great fun, as the anticipation builds.
Make sure that your bridal party have all met beforehand, if possible, so that they have a chance to bond. Also provide them with a short written itinerary and explanation of their duties in detail. I’ve seen many a bridal party confused as they have not been briefed and can be very frustrated and upset if they don’t know what they are supposed to be doing. It’s surprising, but a lot of younger bridal party members have absolutely no clue about what the traditional responsibilities are, so don’t assume.
When shopping for your bridesmaids dresses, don’t bring too many people to the first appointment we recommend just one or two for your first shopping experience. Then once you have slimmed down the choice, you can call in the others. That way you will have less chance of wildly different opinions. The good thing though is that it’s not so important to be all matchy matchy and it’s very in vogue to have toning dresses or same colour but different style dresses these days to suit different shapes and sizes.
Photograph by Pippa Mackenzie Photography
Consider your budget before choosing your bridal party. The more bridesmaids you have, the more it will cost you when you factor in outfits and hair and make up, not mentioning thank you gifts and perhaps accommodation. If you decide you would like your bridal party to pay for their own outfits themselves, make it known at the start so that it’s completely clear and nobody has a nasty shock.
Think about your wedding size – if you only have 60 guests, it can be somewhat “overkill” to have 8 bridesmaids. As a rule of thumb a bridal party of about 4 ushers and 4 bridesmaids works beautifully for a wedding of around 100 guests.
Page boys and flowergirls are very cute and it’s a wonderful way of including the little ones of close family or friends. My top advice however if you can is to involve the child/children’s mother in any clothing choices (keep it simple and don’t feel the need to overspend on this area is my advice) and also where possible have the little ones get ready in a separate hotel room or location to you in order to keep the stress levels down all round!